I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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