you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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