sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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