One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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