doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
