ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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