i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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