The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
