so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
