Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
