so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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