You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
