I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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