Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
