I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize
