You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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