I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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