Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
