Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
People in love make me want to vomit
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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