That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
