I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
