I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
