ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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