I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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