Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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