just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
