if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
