it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize