I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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