What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
