I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
