I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
