Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
