also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
