He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
