The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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