Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
