If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
