is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
