in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize