Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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