Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
