I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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