Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
