I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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