No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
