we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize