I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You're like the curious george of whores
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
