she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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