Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize