"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
