Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
