he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
