After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
