My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
ok first of all what the fuck
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
