If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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