She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
