he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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