Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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