To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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