I'm sorry my penis didn't work
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
