there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
