I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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