this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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