Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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