when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
