don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
