Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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