Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize