do herpes really smell.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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